Thought I Had Found Something

Several months ago I wandered in to Cheek to Cheek Ballroom Dance Studio and was promptly offered a job. Paid to dance? Free training? Who could pass that up? The studio was just getting off the ground, but growing fast. And, all the other active instructors were guys!! Partner possibilities.

I started dancing with a standard partner with whom I meshed comfortably and immediately. I built up a group of really fun students. Life was great. We even had a showcase where I performed with students and with Chris, and it went swimmingly.

But after the showcase, I never really seemed to get to dance. Or coach. My partner and I never had time to practice anymore, and my best couples disappeared. I was just teaching one-on-one private lessons, mainly to beginners. It wasn't what I had signed up for. I don't want to compete pro-am. I want to compete amateur, or else compete rising star and coach amateur couples. But that's just not the dance scene out here. Amateur couples (especially good ones) are few and far between.

My dancing developed in a world where dance was a sport practiced by starving students. We worked hard and we scrimped and saved to keep up with shoe expenses, and when we competed, we were tough about it.

Here, dance is something enjoyed only by those rich enough to compete pro-am. They hire their teachers to dance with them and enjoy weekend vacations at competitions. And to studio owners, it's all about the money, the lesson prices, the travel packages and showcase fees.

It's just not my world.

So I gave them my notice.  I quit.

I'm off to find something new. Until then, I'm still trying to dance with my partner in the mornings and I'm coaching my favorite little 9-year-old (see picture) until someone else can come in to fill the gap. I hope, though, that something will arise that will let me fulfill my dance craving without interfering with school or making me feel like I'm ripping people off.

Mutual

I had two very contrasting experiences today. The first occurred as my mom was channel surfing this morning and happened upon a Japanese ballroom dance showcase. I got to see Brian & Carmen, as well as Katusha and her new partner, Arunas. As Arunas and Katusha danced, I wasn't just watching. I was feeling what I imagine each movement must feel like when you're absolutely impossibly amazing at them. I breathed with the couple and tried to keep my head from twitching.

At church, later, I was asked to teach dance to the Priests and Laurels (16-18 year-old boys and girls, respectively) in the ward this Wednesday. Their prom is coming up, so I plan to teach them some basic American waltz. I don't have a partner or TA to teach with, so I was teaching my brother some of the basics so that he could demonstrate with me. As we clomped along awkwardly, I thought about just how different the two ends of the ballroom dance world are. You have the uniquely stylized professionals that take an experienced dancer's breath away, and then you have social dance, where you're expected to be social and maybe even make conversation. They're such separate worlds, and yet most enter the former through the latter. How on earth are so many of us led, cha-cha step by foxtrot step, so far beyond the original social dance experience?

And are the politely awkward interactions in social dance classes and events really the predecessors to the little-understood, immensely committed long-term competitive dance partnership?

Seize the Beat

The end of the world has passed; Concert is over.

The ballroom concert was the last of the big mid-semester crunch times. The first was finishing my honors thesis in January. Next was Dancesport, and then Concert. It was way stressful to keep up with classes while preparing to perform in front of thousands of people. In fact, I was in tears Friday morning after 3 hours of practice, only 4 hours of sleep, and almost a day with no food. But the stress didn't get to us. All our performances this year went so well! For the second time ever, I've managed to be on a team that actually impressed Brent. Our lines were great, nobody fell, and people actually said that our performance level was better than some of the tour team numbers! Shhh, don't tell. Admittedly, it's probably because we only have one number in the whole show, while they're dancing for nearly 2 hours straight.

Concert highlights:
- Mike's face when I found him in the audience afterward.
- The random lady that stopped me to feel the furry shoulder of my dress (our finale dressed were these bizarre black and white affairs with fur and feathers.
- Being introduced as "U.S. National Formation Dance Champions, the BYU Ballroom Dance Company!" even though I have nothing to do with that title.
- The Wendy's napkin that fell out of one of our girls' dresses ON STAGE. (To protect the innocent, I'm not giving names.)
- The CELL PHONE that fell out of one of the 10:00 team boys' tail suits. And opened on the floor. Honestly, now.
- The roses our partners gave us. Awww.
- Finally getting to dance in dresses that were actually flattering. Kristen said that from the audience all the girls looked tiny in them. I like being tiny. :)
- NOT having to gel my hair and glue rhinestones on my ears and down my part come Sunday.

(Note: The picture above is tour team, not us. I don't have any of us yet.)

Stars and Stripes

So a few days ago, I was talking on the phone with my mom about plans to go home for a month. (As of last September, I'm not legally able to go home for more than 3 months, and plane tickets are significantly more expensive if I stay for more than 1. Ah, immigration.) I can't wait to see my family, and I wish home wasn't so far away. My mom and I chatted, and as I hung up, I was thinking about family and cherry blossoms and golden week and Japanese food.

As I walked out the door, I stopped at the sound of the campus loudspeaker playing the national anthem. (Explanation: At the morning and evening flag ceremonies outside the BYU administration building, the national anthem is played over the campus loudspeaker and, according to tradition, everyone within earshot stands still and faces the flag. When the national anthem is over, everyone goes on with their lives.) So I stood there looking at the Eyring Science Center, which thoroughly blocked any view of the library, which in turn blocked my view of the flag. With my hand on my heart out of respect, I wondered what makes this or any other country my country. Why is America home?

I mean, it's easy to say what makes my family home. They are my legal and biological family, they will accept me no questions asked. They take care of me when I need help. And a bunch of my stuff is still at their house.

So what makes my country home? For a long time, I was an American citizen, but a Japanese resident. What, then, was legally home?

One can't really define a biological home, unless you define it as the place where most of your body originated. But that varies as cells are replenished. As of right now, I'm probably still part America and part Japan.

When I was a resident of Japan, both countries accepted me at the airports with the same questions: do you have any plants or animals in your luggage, do you have SARS, etc. Neither accepted me no questions asked, but neither was closer to that ideal than the other.Japan gave me all-but-free health care whenever I needed it. Their school systems were open to our family. And my parents pay into a government pension plan that works like social security when they retire. Japan and its socialism are all about helping us when we need it. In America, I'm poorly insured, not a resident of anywhere that I would want to go to a public university, and in this special bracket that gets all my money taken away in self-employment tax but doesn't get any back because I'm too young for earned-income credit, etc. America doesn't want to help me when I'm down.

And all my stuff is still spread between 2 countries.

Still, I'm American. I still hold my hand over my heart for "my country", and if I ever deny ownership (of it by me? of me by it?), people get angry. But what makes me American? What phenomenal cosmic power does citizenship hold? What does that purely legal construct even mean in terms of characterization of a human being?

Such have been the questions of a decade. So holla, all you third-culture kids! Make me feel at home.

Progress

Callbacks have been slim thus far (and, if I may say so, a little bit strangely placed) in Dancesport, but I'm having a good time. I just love dressing up and feeling pretty and feeling the wind in my hair as we dance. Wait... hair? No. Plasticized gel and hairspray helmet. Yes.

On the same positive note:

284 Waltz, March 2006 Dancesport Nationals versus Novice Standard, March 2008 Dancesport Nationals